Mama she's hurting me: A grandparents journey in a dual role
My apologies for my brief absence of posts. I have had my hands full with this little cutie. This is my precious granddaughter. She will be three years old next month. I have had full custody of her since just before her first birthday.
I knew early on she had some "quirks" and sometimes would stare off like she was daydreaming perhaps. Developmentally she is pretty much on schedule and has a remarkable vocabularly for her age. I dismissed most of the quirks until one night I walked in to check on her after she had been asleep for a couple of hours. I found her jerking her arms and moving her head with her eyes rolled back. I couldn't wake her. Thankfully the episode didn't last long but I was panicked.
I made a call to her family practioner the next morning who had me bring her in. With the episodes I described he referred her to pediatic neurologist. In another post - Parasomnia - I wrote about one of the discoveries that came from that visit.
She was scheduled for an EEG a few weeks later and meanwhile the night time seizures continued. The ped neurologist prescribed Kepra (an anti seizure medication).
Yesterday was the day for the EEG. I had dreaded this so much. One of her quirks is a sensory thing where she absolutely cannot stand for her head to be touched by anyone. She will not wear a hair bow and the gals I have taken her to for hair trims deserve huge tips. Sitting still is also not one of her strengths right now. Spinning and running in circles while constantly chattering is her normal routine.
I had prepared myself as well as I could. Had I known the facility we were referred to used restraint as a means to complete the test, I probably would have opted out and sought another way. This is a well reknowned childrens hospital that has accolades for their treatment of epilepsy. I had viewed several videos online of children preparing for EEG's and none of them showed what we were about to embark upon.
We were blessed with a wonderful Tech who did everything she could to make the process go as smoothly as possible. This child, who calls me, "Mama", mainly because her aunt and her uncle who live at home call me mama, was having none of it. The first step is measuring her head and making marks on it with a special marker as to where the electrodes need to be placed. It became apparent that she was not going to sit still for that and the marks have to be placed correctly or the test will not work.
The sweet Tech begins to explain that they are going to wrap her in "hot dog" so she can get the marks done and glue the electrodes on and then she can be unwrapped. I reluctantly agreed and began praying under my breath that God would comfort my girl and she wouldn't have a melt down (or that I wouldn't have a melt down for that matter).
Melt down she did. The under the breath praying became rather loudly pronounced heart felt prayer in which the tech, who turned out to be a sister in Christ, joined in. I ended up in the bed over top of her holding my weight off of her while letting her grasp me around the neck and play with my hair as she does often to comfort herself. She had wiggled her arms out of that "hot dog" and if I could help it she wasn't going to be re-wrapped. She screamed for help. She ask her "Pa Reggie" (my husband) to please get her out of that hotdog. When I saw a tear roll down his cheek, I almost lost it, but I knew I had to hold it together. She screamed, "mama, she's hurting me" when the tech was glueing the electrodes on. The tech assured me it wasn't painful at all but that the glue was cold.
Finally the last electrode disk was in place and her head was wrapped so she couldn't pull them off and I was relieved of my duties of holding her and trying to calm her. At that moment, I began to feel a hot sensation go throughout my entire body. I knew that feeling. It came a few other times in my life and what followed that feeling in times past was me passed out in the floor.
Since I was on a bed and all sense of dignity was gone at this point anyway, I quickly threw off my cardigan, layed back, announced that I was going to pass out, told my husband to throw me a drink I had in our bag, which I began pouring down my face with part of it reaching my mouth while the nurse began to fan me frantically. I was sweating like it was one of our 101 degree North Carolina days in August but it was March 3 and more like 40 degrees.
I suppose the stress of what all had just taken placed, coupled with the fact that I did not eat breakfast, had slept only two and half hours and drank a half a pot of coffee before hand had taken its toll. I recovered without actually passing all the way out. The last time that happened I was in the delivery room when this little angel was being born. While an epidural was being administered to her mother, I said, "it's hot in here" and I slid down into the floor and began taking a little "nap". I awoke with a team of doctors and nurses standing over me. Oh the joys of being anxiety prone. Anxiety issues is another post for another day so tune back in.
Once the wires were secured and she was free and no one was messing with her head, she was ok, except for the fact she didn't want that "hat" on her head. I brought half of our house with us for comforting measures and she chose to play on the Google Tablet with a new Nick Jr. app I downloaded just for this occasion. I was able to rest beside her and recooperate and drink the ginger ale that Reggie brought to my aid earlier. This part seemed to move pretty quickly since the turmoil of the moment was over.
The unwrapping and removing of the wires was not pleasant but not nearly as traumatic as applying them. Finally we were on our way home. Little Miss loves pizza and requested some. Of course she was obliged. She was also rewarded with a couple of dollar toys we picked up while we waited for our pizza.
Later, a myriad of emotions hit me. I am not ashamed to say I am 44 years old. I know some women have children at that age so it is quite possible that I could be a 44 year old mama to an almost three year old but the fact is my youngest child is now 13. I chose to take on the role of mama-again or kinship parent, or whatever one would want to call it, when circumstances dictated that someone step in and give this gal a stable and happy home. Yesterday, when this baby said, "mama she's hurting me", I realized that I am not sure what the grandmother role really is. I was in full fledge mama hen role and I reckon I will maintain that role for as long as the Lord will allow. Perhaps someday, I will experience what it is to be a granny who spoils them and sends them home but for now, I am mama.
